Thieves, cake and silence
by FoxtrotTango543
Summary: Modern AU story. Snotlout, Ruffnut and Tuffnut are raiding the dorm kitchen when they come across a godsend: a huge chocolate fudge cake. If the cake came with warnings or Snotlout and the twins had a working moral compass, this would have turned out much differently.


Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon, and knowing my luck, I probably never will. All rights go to the author of the books, Cressida Cowell and the company that made the much-loved films and series, Dreamworks. This fanfiction is set once the teens are at the Dragons: Race to the Edge series, but in the modern world.

A/N: For this to make any sense, I have to tell you that in this fanfic, the teens share a college dorm and a communal kitchen. The dragons aren't human, unlike my other modern AU fanfics, but household pets that live with their riders.

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Snotlout, Ruffnut and Tuffnut grinned as they sneaked around the dorm kitchen for food to raid. They were hungry and couldn't be bothered to make their own, so they stole leftovers to survive. Only thing is, leftovers don't taste the same as the freshly-made version. It didn't taste bad or rotten, just a little different. Hel, even Snotlout's favourite yak butter parfait seemed to taste a little off. "Ugh, what I wouldn't give right now for some nice, fresh tasting food," Snotlout groaned, as he rinsed the taste of slightly weird bread out of his mouth. "Wow, even the water tastes weird. And I didn't know that was possible."

"I'm sure Hiccup's made something great for us to sample," Tuffnut said. "He's not bad in a kitchen." They began to drool at the thought of Hiccup's meals. Steaks, cookouts, home-cooked meals, all of which would make a delicious smell and make them ten times hungrier. And this didn't include the desserts he made.

Astrid was one lucky woman to have landed a guy that cooked like Hiccup did.

But back to the kitchen raid at hand.

The trio flung open cupboards and checked drawers, all to no avail. They were running out of patience, until Ruffnut suggested, "What about the fridge? We haven't checked there."

It was true. For some as yet unknown reason, these three idiots hadn't yet checked the fridge. In desperation, they threw the doors, open, only to find . . . the biggest chocolate fudge cake they'd ever seen.

It was a glorious sight to behold, the three-layered chocolate toffee cake was there, in the fridge, in all its glory. It had been covered in a glaze of chocolate that glistened under the glare of the filament bulb. The three were in awe. Tuffnut drooled. Ruffnut had a crazed grin on her face. Snotlout grabbed it and carried it into the dining room. Tuffnut made himself useful and grabbed a knife and some plates.

Once the cake was down on the table, it was clear that it wouldn't last another hour under the care of Snotlout, Ruffnut and Tuffnut. It was butchered and cut up into uneven slices, the biggest pieces mysteriously going to Snotlout while the twins fought tooth and nail for the next piece. They gorged on the cake, chocolate rings forming around their mouths as they chewed. Eventually, they realized, in between slices of the delicious and now nonexistent cake, that something wasn't quite right.

"Uh, guys?" Snotlout said, a little concerned. "There's something up with this cake."

"Yeah," Tuffnut replied. "It sticks to the mouth. Glues your teeth together." As he talked, his speech became more muffled. "Ruffnut?"

"MMMPH!" Ruffnut yelled, or tried to yell. Her mouth was glued shut with the sweet, sticky bounds of fudge. Snotlout and Tuffnut looked at her, then at each other, before realizing that this was going to happen to them. They, too, would have their mouths slowly glued shut by the scrumptious cake they'd eaten. Both took measures to trick fate.

Snotlout tried to spit the cake out of his mouth, but the more he tried, the more it got stuck to his teeth. He felt his jaws welding themselves tighter and tighter before they stopped moving away from each other altogether. The fight had been lost, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Tuffnut, for reasons unknown, tried to chew on the cake more in a sort of fight-fire-with-fire, but his efforts were also useless. His jaws were glued shut too. All three were silenced with sweet, sticky chocolate fudge cake. They were panicking madly, trying to figure out what to do to fix it. Nothing about the situation could possibly get any worse.

Then Hiccup and Astrid strolled through the door.

They'd been out for hours with Hiccup's black Labrador, Toothless. They were smiling and laughing, and Toothless seemed to be getting along with Astrid really well, jumping up and begging for treats with the new tricks Hiccup had taught him to impress Astrid. Astrid's blue parrot, Stormfly, chirped with glee from upstairs as Astrid and Hiccup could be heard coming in. "Hey, guys," Hiccup greeted, in a really good mood, before turning back to Astrid. "So, out of all the movies we've rented, which movie do you want to watch first, milady?"

"Seriously? You're talking about which movie already?" Astrid teased. "Snacks first, then movie! And although this isn't a normal movie snack, I've been hearing about a chocolate fudge cake in the fridge with my name on it. Come on, let's go get it!" Astrid rushed to the fridge like a small child checking on the Christmas tree first thing in the morning, flung the door open . . . and saw nothing. "What? There's nothing there!"

"That can't be right, I saw it in the fridge just . . . this . . . morning . . . " Hiccup trailed off as he realized that Astrid was right. Then both of them looked at Snotlout, Ruffnut and Tuffnut angrily. "Tell me you didn't eat the cake I made for my girlfriend." Snotlout smiled sheepishly. Astrid glared at him, and Hiccup sighed sadly. "Sorry, Astrid. I heard fudge cake was your favourite, so I tried to make it."

"It is, but not in large doses like a full-blown cake," Astrid explained. "I'd rather have it in tiny cupcake form than bulky cake slices." Hiccup nodded, doing his best to remember that for later. "And if my memory of eating sticky fudge cakes is correct, then eventually . . . " The blonde thought about it for a while, then grinned. "Have you all glued your mouths shut?" Snotlout tried to fire back a witty remark, but failed entirely.

"MMMPH! NMMM! MMMMP!" Snotlout yelled, or tried to. Ruffnut and Tuffnut tried to speak, but they couldn't do any better. Hiccup and Astrid looked at each other with confused, glances, before starting to smile, then grin and outright laugh.

"I can't believe it! Why is this, of all things, the most effective way to shut you up?" Hiccup laughed.

"That makes me really think; if you three will shut up for food, why do all the professors stockpile superglue?" Astrid snickered. The trio glared at the snickering lovebirds. Even their pets seemed to think it was funny: Toothless had a big dorky grin on his face that mirrored the big, dorky grin on his owner's face, and Stormfly could be heard chirping upstairs in what had to be the bird equivalent of a laugh. The thieving three scowled at the laughing lovebirds and their pretentious pets.

"Mmmph mp mmphmp," Snotlout grumbled, which roughly translated to "Bunch of losers."

"Astrid, you're wrong. They didn't shut up _for_ food, they shut up _because of_ food," Hiccup corrected, and the two howled with laughter all over again. Ruffnut grabbed a pen and some paper and wrote down some choice words for the couple. The sort of choice words that you can't say in front of a child. Or at a family gathering. Or, in an ideal situation, never.

"Language, Ruffnut," Astrid chided. "That is no way to write. I would say that is no way to speak, but I think that may be beyond you right now. Anyway, you're boring me, so I'm going to go and watch movies with my boyfriend. Have fun being mute!" The lovers ran into the living room with the movies and the popcorn, locking the door behind them for the sake of privacy. The rustling of material could be heard soon after, leading the minds of the muted morons into the gutter almost immediately.

What they were actually doing was snuggling into a blanket as they watched a horror movie together. "You have great taste in movies, Astrid," Hiccup muttered, as a poltergeist possessed someone. "I love you."

"I love you too," Astrid muttered back, kissing her boyfriend on the cheek as the now-possessed person spat blood all over the floor and crawled up the ceiling, ready to pounce on another innocent person.


End file.
